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The ‘Pick-Me’ Woman. Compromising Self-Respect For The Sake Of Male Companionship

How often have you been online and witnessed a heated chat-debate amongst women regarding modern relationship practices and you can hardly believe what you’re reading. In these chats you may be surprised to learn how so many women have embraced the notion that chivalry is indeed dead. They openly advocate for the abandonment of traditional roles, like a woman should be courted by an interested male pursuer. These women don’t care about paying for the first date, don’t care about asking for a man’s hand in marriage, don’t care that the man may flirt, or even cheat with other women.

For many women dating has become all about wins and losses. You have either closed the deal and got the man or you didn’t. They are less concerned about the journey and are more focused on the destination. They sacrifice the level of respect due to them because their belief is, the end justifies the means. These women want to be chosen at almost any cost. So much so they have a moniker… ‘Pick Me’.

These ‘Pick Me’ women, that compromise their standards for the sole acceptance of male companionship have become a Movement. Ladies it may be tough out here but there’s no excuse for reconfiguring your moral fibers, for fear of some man thinking you’re stuck up or bougie. However, the sad truth is many of us want that ring, we want that man, we want that marriage so much that we don’t acknowledge his elusiveness to live up to our ideal husband. We think if we just play the subordinate role for a little while longer he will eventually come around, treat us like a queen and overwhelming dote on us.

There may currently be a Pick-Me Movement but I recall in 2011, on an episode of Love and Hip-Hop New York, I watched in shock as Chrissy Lampkin got on one knee to propose to her long time rapper boyfriend Jim Jones. As you may have guessed she faced some judgement over her decision to ask for her man’s hand in marriage. She later did an interview where she explained how she is a modern woman and there is nothing wrong with a woman proposing to man. Then in the same statement expressed her need to be treated as a queen in a traditional sense, well how’s that for a contradiction. Well it’s been over 6 years and while they are still together there’s no indication that they’ve ever gotten married. Chrissy wanted to nail him down in a position to affirm her place in his life. She needed him to ‘Pick’ her. Ladies, can you detect a pattern? We expect the treatment that comes with traditional love even after we’ve essentially assumed the male role and taken his pants and put them on, we can’t have it both ways.

This ideology that we have to be more submissive and not require men to live up to their true nature is asinine. Especially when we turn around and ask to be addressed and treated as feminine women. Where and how do we confuse the two? He’s either a boy or a man and the first clue is to know who goes into what category. Be clear with your expectations for what you’re willing to put up with and what you aren’t. Remember you want him, but you don’t need him.

Women have been raising entire families alone for years, working multiple jobs to take care of their home, only for some premature man to come into their life with half offerings, lazy sex, and the audacity to require a home cooked meal. The notion that you would welcome a man into your life who doesn’t have anything to offer other than just being a man is outrageous. Not to mention, the reward for your benevolence after years of building him up is his quick sprint to another woman who will benefit from your fruits of labor.

While perusing the many social networks to get a sense of how this opinion is propagating through our sisterhood, I was encouraged by a quote I read on Facebook, “Home Cooked Meals are for Men that Work & Pay Bills. The rest of y’all get cereal”. The quote went viral, most likely reposted by women who are tired of the Pick-Me women that condone a man’s reckless behavior for the sake of getting a ring.

Fortunately, there is still some saneness left in the world. As I did manage to come across several other posts regarding the conduct of these Pick-Me woman. A post on Twitter, in particular stood out to me. “Women that entertain men who in turn degrade women are ones to watch out for. Red Flag! Top-tier pick me behavior.” This tweet really puts it in plain speak. Woman that give a pass to men who disrespect women are complicit. While I understand it is necessary that we treat the opposite sex with respect. It does not mean that we must submerge our own willingness to receive it.

However, all is not doomed. There are plenty of women who are willing to implement balance for the sake of a healthy relationship, where neither male nor female feel the need to atone. They believe a man who knows what he wants and knows how to get it doesn’t mind the chase, it is in his nature. As well, a woman who is complete and centered doesn’t mind the act of reasonable submission, she acknowledges, it is in her nature. Thus, the balance comes in a form of a healthy give and take relationship. No one more than the other.

Pick-Me behavior is akin to dying of thirst. You’ll consume anything so as long as it’s liquid. However, this is a path that leads to unhappiness. So if you know that you want a man to get on his knee, then make it a requirement. If you want him to help out with household expenses, then make it a requirement. If you want him to love you the way you know that you deserve to be loved, then make it a requirement. Your existence is not based on qualifications to fit a man’s idea of who and how you should be. No real man would expect you to shrink yourself to fit into his box and if he does, then Pick -Yourself.

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