In any relationship, but in particular when dating, acts of over-zealous giving can be a warning sign of someone who is excessively needy. While receiving lavish gifts, compliments, grand deeds and constant shows of affection can seem endearing, you should also be on your guard as these actions can sometimes indicate a person who may have deep-seated attachment issues.
Acts of over-zealous giving can stand alone but are often accompanied by a desire to create a sense of dependency in order to control you. While this behavior may seem flattering at first, within a short period of time you may possibly find yourself becoming distant from your partner to avoid the feeling of suffocation.
Your partner’s over-zealous giving can sometimes be an indication of neediness and low self-esteem, but, you could also misinterpret your partner’s sense of grandiosity as an unhealthy narcissistic sense of self-worth. After all, you could think to yourself, it takes a lot of confidence to foist this degree of attention on somebody, right?
The truth is, both possibilities can be cause for concern. While everyone loves a certain amount of wooing, it soon feels oppressive to be placed on a pedestal, held to unreasonable expectations and being someone’s sole purpose of worship.
A person suffering low self-esteem believes relationships are bound to end badly since this has always been their experience. The self-doubter holds no high hopes of a positive outcome and is always expecting to fail. Their behavior becomes commensurate with the anticipated outcome and drives their fears to become a reality.
Conversely, as an emotionally healthy person, you are likely to seek positivity and self-belief, and not pursue the constant need of reassurance by bolstering someone with gifts, to drive your relationships forward. You more than likely would place more value in shared experiences with a person whose personal boundaries are as healthy as your own, verses someone that feels as if they need to constantly impress you. The sad reality is, an over-zealous giver does not even realize he is love-bombing the target of his affection.
It’s worth noting, this behavior more often than not was developed in their early years. As a child they may learned to be fearful, timid and unsure due to lack of parental recognition and affirmation, as such they will often carry these traits into adulthood. So when developing adult relationships, these individuals continue presenting themselves as little children in adult bodies. They seek recognition just like the child on the peer group periphery, they attempt to buy friendships by giving gifts and favor to the more popular children. Giving gifts to the more popular children could gain them acceptance into the peer group, thus providing them the sought-after sense of recognition and security, albeit artificial.
If you have encountered an over-zealous giver in your dating life, consider how you can help. Not only will this aid them in their dealings with you, but it could help them to develop personal boundaries and avoid being sidelined or exploited in many areas of their life.
While it may feel insensitive, it is beneficial to point out that bestowing their seemingly idolatry behavior may drive sincere people away while attracting those seeking to gain flattery, because they too may also have attachment problems.
Your partner’s awareness of their behavior could prove to be the critical turning point for their current or future relationship. Thus, in a would-be or embryonic partnership, your simple reassurance of being interested in the person at a deeper level invokes added confidence and could also encourage them to obtain professional help. For a person who never realized their love-bombing emanated from a false sense of self-worth, that could be huge.
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