Dating after a divorce can be very complicated for a woman, especially if there are young children at home. There are numerous considerations that women need to think about when they reengage into the dating pool after a divorce. None more important than selecting a man with the qualities that make him a good father-figure for your children and a good partner for you.
There aren’t many challenges more difficult than dating after a divorce. Starting over as a single person in and of itself is hard enough, but when you factor in young children, well it can become even more difficult.
You may attempt to move on from the pain and heartache of your previous relationship, and connect with a man that makes you feel special and loved, but now you’re a single mom and dating when you have children can sometimes make entering into a new relationship seem complicated. So before things get serious make certain he knows you’re a package-deal and he understands everything that entails.
Entering into a new relationship is the first part. After that there’s knowing the right time to introduce him to your children, which can be a huge challenge, especially if the children have a good relationship with their father.
It’s quite possible your children have fantasized that you and their dad will get back together, as such the children may still have hope that you and their father will reconcile your differences, get back together so the life they knew can return to how it was. So the worst thing you can do is bring dates home too soon to meet your children. It’s best to move very cautiously before you introduce your new love interest, because although you see your relationship as a new beginning, for your children it may signal the end of any possibility of a reunion with their dad.
Be mindful not introduce your children to any of the men you are dating unless you are quite certain that you are in a serious relationship and you want to know how your children and your new man will interact with each other. It’s not fair to your children if you introduce them to your lover who becomes an important part of their lives for a few months, only to disappear.
Place value your children’s well-being, and make your new dating choices very carefully. You will need to use different criteria to decide who makes a good partner when you have children as compared to how you selected your partner the first time you got married.
Fact is if you are still only selecting your perspective mates because the thought of them makes you feel like you have butterflies in your stomach, then you need to realize this is not a good way to find a man who will fit into your family. Conversely, if you choose a perspective mate primarily because he’s going to be a good financial provider for you and your children, well that more than likely isn’t going to work either. Marrying a man just to get financial security, can result in your relationship feeling more like a business arrangement and not like a real family.
The man that you ultimately choose must have values that are compatible with your own. You need to have someone who takes his step-parenting role very seriously, and his vision of what a father is must match your own vision of what a father is. He has to have lifestyle habits that are compatible with the way your family lives. For example, if he takes a very formal approach to family living and you and your children are very laid-back and casual, there could be friction as you try to mesh these very different styles.
Whether the children’s father is in the picture or not, the new man has to have the emotional maturity to face the situation calmly when your children tell him, “I don’t have to listen to you. You’re not my real dad!”
Although you may think that having to think about your children makes post-divorce dating more difficult, the truth is that a man who is a wonderful father-figure to your kids, just might turn out to be the best choice for you as well.
By signing up you agree to receive email alerts from TrendBahn. You can unsubscribe at any time.