With this year moving at an incredibly fast pace, it seems that the dating community has been trying to keep up with the speed of things. When you add in social media, a drop in standards, and a sprinkle of ‘F’ boy activity. You get the era of Trial-Relationships. This is when you settle for someone, who doesn’t quite meet your guidelines, but you’re willing to compromise for the sake of a relationship. Only for it to not last past a good six months. Oh the horror!
Sadly, it all comes down to a numbers game. Single women outnumber men, three to one, pushing the narrative that there just aren’t enough available men and too many single women. This theory places a concern amongst the single community as a whole, but a more stressful one when you just want to hurry up and find a man before there are none left, and you die from being single, or so you think.
The truth is, men know that women outnumber them and men use that to their advantage. To play on your weaknesses, your universal desires are a typical practice for them, it’s sport to them. Yet, when you ask men why they do, what they do, they will always turn it around, tell you what you are doing wrong and make you out to be the cause of the issue. Essentially, we brought it on ourselves. I hate when they do that!
The awful, yet repetitive piece of advice women are told is to relax our standards when it comes to dating. You would think this isn’t something that a woman is willing to listen to, however you’d be surprised how many of us lean in and take notes. We put aside our good sense and past experience, and once again embark on a relationship that has all the familiar trappings.
I recently joined a dating group on Facebook. I took a voyeur’s approach and for several months I quietly witnessed number of “Wait, what!? Are you Serious?” stories. Unsurprisingly the men in the group were the most vocal in their criticism, and women were sincerely trying to understand the disconnect so that they could self-improve and be a more desirable woman to date (Ladies we are Better than this!)
Woman after woman told an all too familiar story of meeting a guy, being swept off of their feet, told a lot of promises, they dared to dream, then all of a sudden it ended just as soon as it began.
One woman, named Tina gave a brief account of her most recent relationship, that ending after only three months in because she didn’t vet her new guy properly. She said, “On Paper, he fit everything that I was looking for in a man, and honestly, I was tired of dating bums. [Admittedly] I saw some things that I didn’t care for in him as a person, but I felt like I could compromise, and he would change. Now looking back, I wish I would have paid better attention and been more realistic.” Tina admits that her eagerness to be in a relationship clouded her judgment in examining the visible signs. Or worse ignored the signs because she wanted a relationship so much.
One of the male members of the group, named Gabe, opened up and expressed his need to find a wife and best friend all rolled into one. He listed his career, he said he was a homeowner and posted a handsome photo of himself. Well, the women went wild, Gabe got lots of “Thumbs Up” and numerous postings in the comment section. Well it worked, because before long he connected with one of the women from the group and disappeared for about two months. Then one day, guess who’s back? Gabe, he returned with a new post and an updated photo. Once again he was looking for a wife and best friend all rolled into one, just as before but with a different woman.
Sadly, some of the other women in the group who knew of Gabe’s track record still flooded his comment section. Their disregard for his actions was only supporting his views and feeding his ego, Gabe had Trial-Relationships at his leisure and went back to the same pool of women to run his game on. He knows what the odds are and that a woman will step into another woman’s shoes in a heartbeat if given a chance. This single known fact is significant amongst men. Which, is why some cheat and are never held accountable for it. It leads them to be able to do the same thing over and over because another woman is ready and willing to involve herself in the deceit. Believing that even a cheating man is better than not having a man.
Ladies, we are often so forgiving and ready to accept a man back after he has done something foul to another woman, enabling his disrespect of us and reinforcing the stereotypes, that women can’t get along and are catty towards each other. We are not animals that are to be caged and tamed while men get to dangle their meat in between the bars, having us fight over it. It’s time to reclaim our value.
No longer give men with selfish views and hidden agendas the power and knowledge over you. Your predictable habits, make you predictable so switch it up and leave them guessing. Men show you who they are from the very beginning. The cues are in his conversation, his mannerisms, the way he speaks about the people in his life, are all telling. Pay attention to the process and trust it, don’t rush it. The goal will be that much sweeter when achieved.
What we have learned is that when it comes down to it, a lot of men are not putting their wants and desires on the line. They are implementing their chess skills into the game of dating and getting what they want. Leaving you with your heart in pieces, in your stomach in knots and your pride shambles.
Well I say, toss the silly fears out and step into your womanhood. You are not just a “Private Part”, what you bring to the table is so much more. You can own your happiness and contentment in taking the time to date and have fun without the pressures of dating for potential. There’s a reason why Women and Winning sound alike. Well at least it sounds good together.
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